Is this normal mother in law behaviour?

My mother in law is a very interfering woman and has tried to cause a lot of trouble for me and my boyfriend (her son) during our relationship.


I will explain what she has done below. She's kind of gone a bit further than most mother in laws. But I just want to know if this is normal.


When we go over to her apartment for dinner, she always makes the nasty little comments when no one is around.


And then after dinner and in front of her boyfriend and me she asks MY BOYFRIEND to get up and massage her shoulders at the dinner table. This makes me feel very uncomfortable.


Is this normal?


Then when it comes to saying goodbye she hugs him for several minutes, grabs his backside (bum) rubs it. At the same time she always looks for me in the room and smiles.


I come from a very close family, but I would be sickened if my dad squeezed my backside, or asked for a massage at the dinner table.


Is this normal?


We see her quite often even though we live up North in England and she is in Scotland.


Here are some of the other things she does:


1. Shops for our flat 鈥?lamps, picture frames for every birthdays and xmas, tells my bf how it should be done out. If she does not get her own way, she will call daily until she influences him. She usually does influence him. But I then fight back so it causes us further trouble.


2. Every time my bf and I argue, she says the most unforgiveable things to him about me. She makes up lies about things I have said to cause further trouble, she runs me down completely. Knocks my ability as a future mother. Says I am with him for his money.


3. She calls him up as she does not like my choice of birthday present for her, or card. Even though I have gone to much effort. She does not want an exchange, she just has to point out it is not liked.


4. She tries to catch me out and make out I have spent too much money on something.


5. She tries to control our wedding plans, yet won鈥檛 contribute a penny. She has enough money to help out. Yet she wants about 20 of her friends at our wedding. Expects us to pay even though we can鈥檛 afford it. Also I don鈥檛 really want people I have not met at my wedding.


6. She says spiteful things about my family to my bf.


7. She is generally a horrible person. Always comments on how people look. Says people are ugly. She is very vein and spends so much time in the mirror. She always makes horrible comments about her son鈥檚 teeth, weight. Or how her daughter looks - every day. To the point her daughter has been to a councillor about her low self esteem.


8. She completely humiliates her own boyfriend in front of me. Says the most cruel things about him.





Makes me feel very sad for my bf. But he can鈥檛 see how bad she is. She cries when she doesn鈥檛 get her own way and makes her son think that she has done everything to try and get along with me.


In all of this I have never ever said a cruel word to her, or excluded her or been unkind. Yet I have argued so much with my boyfriend about her - mainly as he is sucked in by her.





Prior to meeting me, my boyfriend had another relationship (4 years) and his mother and his girlfriend hated each other. Their bad relationship was blamed on his girlfriend and they said she was horrible and crazy. The reason my boyfriend gave for breaking up with his ex was due to his mum saying she would be a bad parent in the future. I'm starting to feel that she was not crazy as it was his mother all along.


I鈥檓 starting to think I cannot marry into this family. What do you think?|||totally understand. if u love him and want to further relationship, then sit him down and a real long discussion with him. tell him that u cannot tell him what to do but u feel that his mum is interfering too much. however get evidence of it 1st or examples|||It sounds like some strange behavior coming from your boy friends mother.....I cannot believe she grabs his butt cheeks especially. My oldest daughter used to date a boy who's mom kissed him passionately on the lips, it sickened my daughter so much that she broke up with him, later he admitted she basically had molested him all his life....this does happen to boys too. Tell your boy friend you think it is unappropriate for her to grab his backside. Is he an only child? She definately needs the majority of his attention it sounds like. My mother in law did a lot of the other things you mentioned. It is hard to adjust to family differences that is for sure. I hope it all works out, some relationships just are not worth the challenge of dealing with their family...that is something you will have to decide, as we all know when we marry someone, their family is a part of the relationship also. He was raised by her and is used to this behavior and may think it is ok.....good luck to you!|||Do not marry into this family until he is man enough to break with his mother and only see her 2-3 times a year, or you will sign your life away!


Now you know what it feels like to be nagged by a female!|||this may not help but as i was reading this post i thought of a movie called Monster in law....it's funny....sorry for wasting your time|||I don't think the massage or the butt thing is normal at all. I get the feeling it was a shot at you - like she was trying to make you angry. Like a physical display of possession - a little gross considering she's his mother. That's more the kind of crap you'd expect from an ex-girlfriend that's still interested. I don't think it's so much a show of anything sexual though. She smiled at you, so I think it was just a shot at you and not something that she normally does.



I think she's possessive and controlling of her children. Like with putting them down all the time? In my opinion, this kind of thing is most commonly seen with couples. It's a kind of control tactic, a form of mental abuse. Like when a boyfriend makes his girlfriend feel ugly and pathetic so she will feel like nobody will want her, and therefore, will not leave him no matter how horribly she is treated. And that's what this mother is doing. She's making them feel bad and like they need her, so they stay and take this kind of treatment. I think they feel like they need to please her for her love. They're desperate for her affection because she's always dangling it over them.



I think you need to put your foot down. The next time she says something horrible about him, in front of him, call her out on her bullshit. Ask her straight up how she could not know that saying something horrible like that would not make him feel bad? When she makes a comment about how someone looks, tell her it's uncalled for and that she's not exactly a rose either. When it comes to your wedding, tell her she can have a say when she starts helping to pay for it. It's not her wedding, it's yours. Why the hell would she want her friends at your wedding? It just sounds like she's trying to make everything hers or at least is thinking like everything is hers (your wedding, your flat, etc).



Don't aim to hurt her or put her down. Just call her out on her bullshit (point out her actions). Your boyfriend will hopefully begin to think about these kinds of things more. His eyes will begin to open and he should see. He might not like what he sees, but he should see what's there.



If this doesn't work, and there's no changes with him, then I recommend you talk to your boyfriend seriously. Remind him that he's a grown man and that you're not sure any woman would put up with this degree of control and leeway he's allowing his mother. Tell him everything and don't hold back - remind him of all the relationships that didn't work out and how much of a 'coincidence' it was that his mother was involved in all of them.



If you can't get through to him then know that nothing will change. If you can't get through to him or get his mother to back off, then I don't think you should marry him. Not when it means marrying his mother as well.



I'm really sorry you're in this situation, and I hope it all works out for you. Good luck and best wishes.|||This is a taste of the family you are getting into,I was a mother inlaw I never meddle in their bussiness wedding or anything else.I was asked by my sons,future in laws to pay for things ,and we did .At first, they were to pay for everything ,but we paid for our guest.after a lot of changes went down in the next 2 years long story....They are nolonger together yeah I have a grandson who is suffering because they share custody.If we had a crystal ball to forsee the future,There would be more happiness in this world but we get that by chance Good Luck to you.And Do have a talk with your Fiance maybe he can do something about the Mother.|||I think I"d hold off on wedding plans. She doesn't sound like she's going to change, and your bf sounds like he's really under her thumb. It's true that you marry a family, not just a guy. Be careful with this!